Simply Life

Support a family:
The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied,"Well no. I was just planning on supporting your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."

Grandma's Age:
Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered, "39 and holding."
Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?"

First Time Ushers:
A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates.
When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me daddy. I'm under five."

Prayers:
The sunday school teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say your prayers before eating?
"No sir," he replied, "We don't have to. My mom is a good cook."

Climb the walls:
"Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit."

The Mood Ring:
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.

The water pistol:
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased I turned to my mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. DOn't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied..... "I remember."

Life after death:
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes sir." the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"